Because an "update" for you isn't code. It's a memory. It’s the felt tip of a Wacom pen on a glossy Cintiq. It’s the sound of a 3 AM deadline, the clatter of mechanical keyboard switches, the smell of toner and cold pizza. You are the anchor point that never broke.
I remember your updates. The Puppet Warp that twisted a dragon’s wing like taffy. The new Pattern Options panel that saved me from the dark art of dragging tiles into the Swatches library by hand. The glorious, terrifying moment they added a "Save for Web" that actually understood JPEG compression. adobe illustrator cs6 update
I click "Check for Updates."