I finally saw the film. The performances are unforgettable. That scene where Steve runs down the hallway to Lana Del Rey’s “Born to Die”? Devastating.

Here’s why I’m both grateful and conflicted about watching this masterpiece that way. For the uninitiated: Mommy is a raw, emotional Canadian drama set in a fictionalized Quebec. It follows Diane “Die” Després (Anne Dorval), a widowed mother with a foul mouth and fierce love, who takes back her violent, ADHD-diagnosed son Steve (Antoine Olivier Pilon) from a youth detention center. Their volatile relationship is complicated by their shy, stuttering neighbor Kyla (Suzanne Clément).

The film is famous for its —a bold choice that makes every character feel trapped until a breathtaking moment halfway through when Steve literally widens the frame with his hands. Why OK.ru? Let’s be honest: Mommy isn’t easy to find legally in many regions. No Netflix. No Hulu. The Criterion Channel has it sometimes, but not everywhere. So, like many curious fans, I turned to OK.ru.