Meet (pronounced Kwak-Prep ), the “holistic pre-kinesthetic readiness engine” that wants you to pay $19.99/month for the privilege of preparing to prepare.
“We realized that ‘getting ready’ is a legacy protocol,” says founder and CEO Jensen Birch, 24, wearing a turtleneck made of recycled server heat shields. “People waste precious cognitive load on things like ‘blinking’ and ‘remembering where their floor is.’ QuaxkPrep removes the friction of existence.” quaxkprep
Disclosure: The author of this piece is currently trapped in a QuaxkPrep onboarding loop and has been tapping a digital duck for 72 consecutive hours. Send help. Or espresso. Meet (pronounced Kwak-Prep )
Because by the time you figure out you don’t need it, your credit card will have already been charged for next month. quaxkprep